“Sci-Fi Pod” blasts off on a surf-garage tip, a faint scent of tacos in the air. “Gravy” skitters and slides on buzzy fuzz bass. “Not Your Crowd” cooly snaps its fingers and sashays away on a black cloud of bass fuzz. “Green Grass” makes its bid for pop stardom with the opening line: “Green, green grass/Never burned as fast/As that hula skirt shake ’round her ass that night/You set it on fire.” Can they play da blooz? You betcha! It’s called “This, that, and the other thing” and it’s silly as all get out. “The Space Song” brings us sadly to the end, bobbing and weaving like Pavement kidnapped by Captain Beefheart. Sez here they’ve got a CD for five bucks. Buy it.
— Jim Santo’s Demo Universe, 1997

If the Conquistadors were a cartoon they’d be the Itchy and Scratchy Show. Both are manic yet sublime. Their absence of hesitation enhances their ability to rock any proverbial indy house from Chapel Hill to Olympia “SciFi Pod” takes you to Alpha Centuri and dumps you on a space refueling platform just west of the lost moon of Jupiter, Chlamydia. A three piece never sounded so much like a four piece or something like that. They can jettison their country roots in a nano second and replace the nuclear cylinders with straight-up punkified octane while keeping you in a strangehold. Never before has rock music driven a man to drop his thesaurus and head for the nearest VFW post for a good dose of homegrown bliss. That or professional wrestling. They make Bryan Adams cut with a freaking plastic steak knife.
— sockboy, Salt For Slugs, Winter 1997/1998

PERSONNEL:
Ben Johnston and ?

TRACK LISTING:
Side A
Sci-Fi Pod
Gravy
Not Your Crowd
Green Grass
This, that, and the other thing
The Space Song

Little more to say, really. Ben Johnson was making music in Fayetteville, Arkansas, when this ribbon dropped into ol’ POB 4218. He might be a tech worker in Austin now; can’t be sure. Other than my original review — and the fabulous assessment, above, by sockboy in the zine Salt For Slugs (a PDF of which I miraculously located on Gurgle) — there’s no evidence of this incarnation of The Conquistadors (as you can imagine there have been more than a few over the past 60 or so years of rock history) ever having existed, let alone a CD. And yet, this is a thoroughly enjoyable album, as good as any released that year. Existence is random! I’m grateful for the opportunity to share this recording, which would otherwise be lost to history!